Love's Suicide
by goddess faith
Summary: Scorpius Malfoy wakes up at St. Mungos and has no idea what has happened. All he knows is he is being taken to Azakaban for something he is sure he didn't do. He doesn't remember much, but he knows he loves Rose Weasley. He sure as hell didn't kill her.
1. Chapter 1

**I really hope you enjoy this story. The idea really just kind of hit me. I am going to fill you in on things before we start. This is in first person from the eyes of Scorpius Malfoy. A lot of this story will be flash backs. Some may be very small, but others may last two or three chapters. I am not planning on making this story very long, but I have said that about other fanfics I wrote and they turn out of be 20 or 30 chapters. So we will see where this takes us. Well here it is! Enjoy!**

  
>Chapter One<p>

Hello? Can anyone hear me? I tried to ask as the darkness slowly began to engulf me. I didn't hear my words spoke though. Hello? It is really dark! I tried screaming this time, but still didn't get a response. Was I in Hell?

"Scorpius… can you hear me?" I heard a very distant female voice say my name.

Yes! Barley! I tried, but it was fruitless. It began to get darker and darker as I wondered where exactly I was. If I was in Hell, wouldn't there be fire and demons?

"I saw eye movement!" I heard an overly excited man yell, which jerked me back toward the light a little bit. Who was it? He sounded familiar, but I couldn't place him.

"Scorpius, I need you to open your eyes for me." The distant female voice instructed me. My eyes weren't open? I tried to open my eyes, but they were extremely heavy. "Come on, Scorpius… just open your eyes…" She sounded very nice and patient, now that she was actually in hearing distance. I wonder why she didn't just move closer before.

I can't! I yelled, but again nothing was coming out. I tried again to open my eyes, but again, the darkness stayed.

"What is wrong with him?" I heard another female voice say. This time it sounded worried and very frantic.

"I'm not sure… he seems to be conscious… I don't see why he won't open his eyes." The calm female voice said and this time it sounded as if she were right above me.

"I can't." I heard myself say, but it was barley above a whisper.

"What was that? Did he speak?" The man yelled, but it didn't sound like he was angry.

"I think so… Scorpius, can you hear me?" The calm female asked.

"Yes…" My voice came out again, in a sound barley above a whisper. I heard the frantic woman squeal and the man roar, but I am pretty sure it was meant to be laughter.

"Scorpius," the calm woman said my name again. "I need you to open your eyes for us."

"I can't…" I told her in my quiet tone. I didn't understand why my voice was so low. I wasn't meaning for it to be. In my head I was yelling.

"Try for me… I know it is hard, but try." She begged me and if my eyes weren't sealed shut I would have rolled them. I didn't come back with my usual witty comment.

"They are heavy…" I tried to tell her, but it seemed my voice was getting lower by the second.

"Heavy?" She now sounded a bit dumbfounded. "I need you to keep trying. Don't give up. You really need to open your eyes."

"Come on, Sweetheart. You can do it!" I heard the other woman yell.

"Shh… not so loud, Dyann." I heard the man say.

"That's my mom's name too." I tried to say with my voice, but nobody said anything. I don't think my voice was loud enough for them to hear. I had to open my eyes! I just had to! On the count of three, I told myself.

One

Two

Three!

I battled with the weights that felt like they weighed two ton to open my eyes. It was a really hard battle. One that I was almost for sure I was going to lose half way through it. I finally pushed them up though.

When my eyes adjusted I would have jumped back if I hadn't already been laying down. Three people stood over me, hovering. I was surprised I was able to breathe with them so close.

"Scorpius!" I heard the frantic woman yell and looked to see that it was indeed my mother. I tried to smile at her, but nothing seemed to happen. It was like my mouth took on the weight now that my eyes were open.

As I looked at the man, who was the closes to my face, I was my own icy silver-blue eyes staring straight back at me. Sure, his had wrinkle and bags under them, but they were still the same as mine. My father was probably the one I was most happy to see.

"Scorpius," I heard the other woman say. Looking at her I realized I didn't know her. What was she doingin my room?- Wait a minute… was this my room.

Looking around I saw the porcelain looking walls with no pictures on the walls. This told me it wasn't my room. My room had qudditch posters up everywhere. There was one window that I could see through the corner of my eye (my neck didn't seem to be working either). Where was I?

"Do you know where you are, honey?" My mother asked. She must have picked up on my looking around the room.

I wanted to say no, but the weight on my mouth forbid me to talk anymore. I saw the hurt look in her eyes as all I did was stare at her.

"Why isn't he talking anymore?" She turned to the woman that I didn't know and yelled.

"Well, Mrs. Malfoy," the woman sighed. "He is probably in a state of shock… he took a very big stab in the chest…"

Stab? Were they still talking about me? I couldn't have taken any stab to the chest. Wouldn't I feel it? Come to think of it, though, I couldn't feel anything.

"He was talking just a moment ago…" my father cut in.

"Yes, but you have to remember, that was when his eyes were closed. His mind maybe just coming out of the coma and can only take on one thing at a time. I doubt he can even feel anything just yet." The woman explained and it made me wonder if she was a mind reader. I wanted to shut my eyes again, but I was afraid if I did that I may never get them back open. I was even antsy about blinking.

"I…" I tried to speak, but it was the only word I got out before the weight got even heavier over my mouth. It certainly got their attention though.

"Yes, Scorp?" My dad urged me, but I knew I couldn't answer him. I tried to speak through my eyes, but it was no use. I wasn't good at it. Of course, I never had this problem before, so how could I possibly be good at it. I wanted to scream with frustration, but with my mouth not working, I couldn't even do that!

"Come on, baby." I saw my mother take my hand, but I couldn't feel it. I looked at it, but still felt nothing. Come to think of it, I couldn't feel anything except my mouth and eyes. Was I paralyzed?

"Imm…" I tried to ask if I was, but again, didn't get out very much.

"Maybe we should let him rest…" My father suggested, but the woman shook her head.

"No… he doesn't need to go back to sleep until he is back to normal. Otherwise we may never get him back." I saw the look in her eyes. She meant that I might die. That triggered a memory, but it was gone so fast I couldn't even grasp it to see what it was.

"Then what do you suggest we do, Nurse Holcomb?" My father was getting aggravated and I knew that was never good.

"We have to keep talking to him… urging him to try to talk to us… try to move his body." The woman, who was apparently Nurse Holcomb, informed my father.

"Scorpius… its Mommy." My mother said and I wanted to laugh. I hadn't called her that since I started Hogwarts. That triggered a strong memory.

Hogwarts… her… but who was she? In my mind her red hair was like nothing I had ever seen before and her eyes were so jade it was impossible to look at anything else. Then she laughed… oh that laugh. It was sweet music in my mind. A blush now formed across her pale cheeks as she looked at me… who was she? She seemed so familiar!

Again I wanted to scream it was annoying me so much; the only difference from last time is that I did. I must have been so preoccupied that I lifted the weight and let out a full fledged yell.

This made all three people jump about three inches off their feet and look at me with big eyes.

"What is it, baby? Are you hurt?" My mother questioned, again very frantic. She was fearing I might be in pain.

"No…" My voice was back! It was still very low, but it was louder than it had been the last time.

"He spoke!" My father's huge smile washed over me and somewhere inside me it was warm. It was the start of my feeling.

"Scorpius… can you feel anything?" Nurse Holcomb didn't seem at all surprised that I had spoke. The scream was what seemed to shake her up.

"Not really…" I answered, trying my best to make my voice louder, but it was useless again. "Am I paralyzed?"

"I don't think so… of course, I am not sure." She replied to my question. "We will have to work with you to see. You might just be in shock."

Shock? Shock from what? What had happened? Where was I?

"Where am I?" I questioned, my eyes observing the very dull room again.

"You are in St. Mungo's." My father was the one that answered this time. St. Mungo's? How had I gotten here?

"Why?" Was my next question.

"We will have plenty of time to talk about that later, Sweetheart." My mother replied, smiling rather sadly at me.

"Scorpius, I want you to try to move your head." Nurse Holcomb instructed me. I looked a her. "Your head." She repeated, but I couldn't. My neck seemed as if it were clamped and couldn't move.

"I can't." I finally gave up trying.

"All right…" This time she wrote something down on a clipboard I now noticed she was holding. Was that my file? Great… I now had a file at St. Mungo's… my dream come true. Not.

"Can you feel your mother's hand on yours?" She questioned, not even looking at me, but keeping her eyes steady on the clipboard.

"No." I answered and heard my mother gasp.

"Nurse Holcomb… wasn't there a spell you said you could do that might help?" My father turned toward the nurse and she peered up over the clipboard. Her long nose almost touching it.

"Are you sure about that, Mr. Malfoy?" She asked my father and I turned my eyes toward him. What were they talking about? What spell?

"Yes, I am positive. He is doing so well… I don't want him to lose that…" my father explained.

"You do realize if this spell works that he will be able to feel his wound?" Nurse Holcomb sounded precautious.

"Just do it!" My father yelled and I saw my mother take his shoulder. My father had always had a bad temper. Something about a bad childhood… I couldn't remember right then.

"No need to yell, Mr. Malfoy." The nurse assured him and took out her want. She pointed at me and yelled something I couldn't even understand.

Suddenly my vision turned red as pain engulfed me. I screeched out as I felt everything coming back to me. The pounding headache, the searing foot spasm, and the worst of it all, my chest throbbed like nothing I had ever felt before. Had I been shot? Wait… she said stabbed right? Who had stabbed me? I screamed as I felt tears stroll down my face. I was going to pass out!

"Scorpius calm down…" I heard the nurse say and then another hand was on mine. Was she crazy? Did she know what kind of pain I was in? She had done this time me! Gotten the spell wrong! Something! I would kill her!

Again kill triggered a memory and it stayed long enough for me to catch a glimpse of green light, but then it was gone again. It was what calmed me down. I took in a deep breath as I allowed myself to settle back down on the bed. I opened my eyes (just noticing they were shut again) to see the three looking extremely shocked again. The pain was still there, in my head and chest, but it seemed more bearable now that I wasn't jolting. Of course, I hadn't realized I had been.

"Breathing hurts." I informed the surrounding people, my voice seemed to be back to normal now. My father let a chuckle escape his lips, but I didn't see what he found to laugh about.

"Scorpius, do you remember what happened to you? Why you were stabbed?" Nurse Holcomb questioned in a physiatrist sort of way. She was really beginning to get on my nerves… now that I could feel my nerves.

"No… I don't." I replied, trying to think. You would think I wouldn't forget getting stabbed.

"Try." Was all she said. It wasn't in a kind or gentle tone anymore. It was mono and I didn't really like it.

"I… don't… know…" I said against gritted teeth. The pain was so bad it was about all I could do. I reached down and felt where the wound was. There was a large bandage there, but I could still feel the pressure.

"What is the last thing you remember?" Nurse Holcomb kept firing at me. I sighed, now being able to.

"I don't know… um… Christmas… I got a the new Fire Bolt X." I explained to her and then my parents exchanged skeptical glances. "What?"

"Honey… that was four Christmases ago…" My mother explained to me softly. It was?

"It was?" I was shocked. Sure I remembered other things, but they kept going in and out of my head so fast I couldn't latch on to any of them to see what they were.

"Yeah, Scorp… remember? We got you the new the new Fire Bolt XII this year." My father replied, giving me a very hopeful look. I tried remembering it, I really did. The only thing I got was a bigger headache though and I shook my head.

"We should really let him rest. We don't want to make him over do it." Nurse Holcomb rushed my parents. I saw the look in my mother's eyes. She didn't want to leave, but knew it was best for me.

"We will be back first thing tomorrow, baby." She assured me, moving toward me, giving me a kiss on the forehead. I didn't protest this time the way I usually do. Like last week… or what I remembered of last week… she kissed me good bye on the train going back to Hogwarts and I nearly died.

"Hang in there, Son." My father bent down and hugged me. For a minute I didn't think he would let go.

"Draco… come along." My mother finally said and when my father pulled away his eyes were tear glazed. It shocked me. In all my thirteen years I have never seen my father cry. Wait… no… didn't they say that was four Christmas ago. So thirteen plus four is… seventeen… SEVENTEEN! I was seventeen? Bloody hell!

I didn't say anything, though, really wanting to go to sleep. I was unbelievably tired; which now that I think about it, is unbelievable since I have been asleep. She did say coma, right?

As the three of them filed out of the room I was left in silence. It was rather annoying really… just hearing my own thoughts. Half the time not even been able to grab hold of them.

I sighed, giving up, and closed my eyes. There she was again. Hair fiery red, eyes jaded green, cheeks flushed ever so tender… she took my breath away by just looking at her in my mind. I felt myself slowly drifting off thinking about her, but it didn't matter. Maybe then I would figure out her name. Little did I know, I did.

"Rose!" I screamed as I shot up out of my bed, into pitch blackness.

**A/N: Bare with me here. I know this chapter is a little slow and the next chapter is a bit humorous, but it doesn't start getting good or in depth until about Chapter Three, so don't give up after reading these two chapters. Please R/R!  
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	2. Chapter 2

_Previously On Love's Suicide:_

_As the three of them filed out of the room I was left in silence. It was rather annoying really… just hearing my own thoughts. Half the time not even been able to grab hold of them. _

_I sighed, giving up, and closed my eyes. There she was again. Hair fiery red, eyes jaded green, cheeks flushed every so tender… she took my breath away by just looking at her in my mind. I felt myself slowly drifting off thinking about her, but it didn't matter. Maybe then I would figure out her name. Little did I know, I did._

_"Rose!" I screamed as I shot up out of my bed, into pitch blackness._

Chapter Two

"Rose!" I yelled again, thinking she might just answer me. Nobody did, though. The darkness began to fade as my eyes adjusted and I noticed I was in St. Mungo's. I must have actually drifted off to sleep. I had to have had, because it seemed a lot darker now than it had been.

Rose. That was the girl's name. I could only remember little things about her, though. I knew I loved her. My heart told me that. It ached for her. And yes, I am sure it was for her and not just because of my stab wound. I also knew that she was there when I got stabbed. I was still not sure on how or where or even when I got stabbed, but my gut told me that she was there. I could see her face perfectly; it was everything else that was blurry.

I slowly laid back down, trying to place the pieces back together. It was very frustrating, because there was so many missing spots. It was like trying to play qudditch without a Keeper or Seeker. You are going to lose.

After I finally admitted that I had lost the battle of trying to figure out what happened, I closed my eyes again, hoping I could talk to my mother and father about it when they came.

It wasn't ten minutes later that I realized my bladder was as full as it was going to get without bursting. I jumped up, pausing for a second, almost being brought to my knees, as sharp icy pins prickled my feet. What did they do, paint the ice on floor or something?

When I was able to move, I did it fast, trying not to pause on the floor longer than I had to. Plus, if I was moving fast so I hardly noticed the pain. It was when I stopped did it all hit me.

I knelt over, grasping my chest. It hurt so bad, I thought I was going to pass out right then and there. It would have been awkward for the nurse to walk in and me laying on the floor unconscious. Who knows what people might have thought then?

I did, however, find the bathroom beside the exit door. As I turned on the light, pain flooded my eyes and I had to shrink back, covering them. I hated that. I got use to the dark and now the light wants me to get use to it, too. I sighed letting my eyes adjust for a moment, but had to hurry. Other wise I would piss all in my boxers and I didn't want that. I hadn't done that since I was two and didn't want to do it now.

As I went to pull down my boxers I noticed that I wasn't wearing any. In place of them was a big plastic feeling thing. Was I… could I be… wearing a diaper?

"Bloody Hell!" I yelled as I looked down and confirmed that I was. Here I was, thirteen…seventeen… wearing a diaper. What if the Slytherin guys found out about this? That would be the end.

My next problem was getting it off. I didn't want to piss in it, that was worse than wearing it. I had to get it off.

I finally found two sticker like things on the sides and tore them off, freeing myself.

After I finished doing my business I ran into another problem. I had nothing to put back on. Now, I don't mind going camando, but I was in one of those ridiculous gowns that don't close in the back and it might look very silly for someone to walk in and seeing me without any type of underwear on what so ever. What could I do though? I certainly was not putting back on that diaper and I didn't have any other underwear. I sighed, leaning against the wall. Why did this stuff happen to me?

I walked out of the bathroom, deciding I wasn't going to find any help in there. Maybe they kept extra sleep clothes in the closet by the bathroom; like the Leaky Cauldron. In the Leaky Cauldron they had shorts… maybe they did here, too. Something was better than nothing.

When I opened the closet and turned on the light all I saw at first was extra blankets and sheets for the bed. Now I heard of people making underwear out of sheets, but I wasn't that crafty. I began to search for more.

By the end all I found was an extra gown. I had to do something with it. So I folded in half making sure to get the strings on either side and then I wrapped it around my waste and between my legs. Getting it to stay this way while I tried it was very difficult. I couldn't seem to get the back to stay. These gowns wanted people to see your ass!

After wrestling around with the gown and possibly damaging my wound ever more, I got it over myself. I was very happy when I was able to run across the icy floor again and jump into the warm bed.

Damn… what a night, huh?

~*~*~*~

I didn't sleep a wink after I woke up. My chest bothered me too bad and no matter how hard I tried not to, my mind kept slipping back to Rose. Questions filled my head. Who was she? Where was she? What had happened to her? Had she stabbed me? How awful would that have been? To have the one you love try to kill you.

Then there was a memory. It made my heart fill as if something had stabbed through it. I did grasp on to something right before it faded away again. I got a picture. It was of the girl. She was crying. Why was she crying? Was she crying because I was stabbed? Was she crying because she was about to stab me? Was there something else there? Was there someone else there? Everything was so aggravating.

"Hey honey… I am glad you are awake." My mother's voice jerked me out of my thoughts. I turned to see her and dad walk into the room. She held out a clear cup with two red pills in it. "Nurse Holcomb said they will help the pain."

I sat them on a table, noting to take them later. I would try anything to help this pain. Right then, though, I needed to talk to my parents about something else.

"Who is Rose?" I questioned and my mother gasped and my father cleared his throat. Looking at my mother I saw that her eyes were tear filled and she even let one slide. "What? What's wrong? Who is she?"

"I didn't think you would remember her so soon…" My mother's voice was as quiet as mine had been the day before. My father stood there, just staring. I wondered if he lost his ability to speak like I had.

"I don't really… I just… I'm not really sure how I know her name… but she is who I see every time I close my eyes." I tried to explain to them and by the look in their eyes that isn't what shocked them.

"You did that even before…" My mother stopped there and I was almost afraid to push on.

"Before what?" I inquired curiously.

"Scorp, we have to tell you something. Good news is we get to take you out of here today. The nurse says you are just fine." My father took a deep breath and I had a feeling that the bad news had to do with what we were previously talking about. "The bad news is… we have to take you to Azkaban."

"What?" The air got sucked out of me. Had I heard him right? Azkaban? As in the prison? I tried to ask why, but I couldn't breathe.

"Scorpius… they are saying you murdered her… Rose Weasley." My father went on, tears now flowing down his face. "We tried to tell them… but you were there and the spell had been cast from your wand…"

"Kill?" I breathed, now getting my breathes back in short small huffs.

"We tried…" My father broke down and sobbed, my mother not able to move from her spot, tears also cascading down her face.

The girl… Rose… she was dead? How could that have been? And they think I killed her? I have never killed anything intentionally in all my life… how do they expect me to kill a live human being?

"I loved her… I don't remember much about her, but I can feel that!" I protested, trying to defend my case.

"We know you loved her, son." My dad blubbered through the sheet. "They won't listen."

My breathing was coming easier now that I thought about everything. I had to get out of it. Rose's killer was still out there on the lose and I couldn't let him get away with it. And then it hit me. Rose's killer? That meant… she was dead… Tears stung my eyes at the thought. It was confusing because I didn't know her, (well remember her) but it still had such an emotional impact on me.

"She's gone…" I simply said and shook my head. "I have to find her killer… you have to get me out of here."

"We can't, honey…" My mother's weak voice answered this time. "They have guards here to take you. We were allowed to come in and tell you and give you this." She laid down a grungy orange-ish looking jump suit and (dah dah dah da!) a pair of new boxers. I looked at her in confusion. "It is their law you have to wear it while in the prison."

"No!" Tears again streaming down my face. "I won't go! I can't go! Mum, please!"

"I am sorry." My mother was now crying harder than ever. My father didn't even look alive. "You have a court trail in two weeks…we are trying everything we can to get it moved up."

"Will they let me go?" I questioned hopefully.

"Only if our lawyer can prove you are innocent of killing Rose Weasley." My father finally spoke. The name struck me this time. I shook it off for now, trying to focus on the matter at hand.

"How can we do that if I can't remember anything that happened?" I nearly yelled at him.

"The chances do look slim, but it's the only one we have." My mother tried to explain to me and I shook my head.

"I can't go!" I yelled. "In a cell with other men? Are you crazy?"

"Actually you do get a private room. You will be on suicide watch…" My father informed me and my mouth dropped.

"They think I stabbed myself?" I questioned and my father nodded as he wiped the tears from his eyes. I sighed, knowing I had lost this battle. That didn't mean the war was over, yet though.

"They really don't know, Honey…" My mother tried to explain. "They just want to make sure you didn't do it."

"Weasley? Didn't you go to school with a guy named Weasley?" I questioned my father, now onto what I had caught.

"Yes… he was Harry Potter's best friend." My father explained and I nodded. Harry Potter's son was Albus who was in my house. We weren't friends. As a matter of fact he beat me out of a girl I wanted to date last year. (Or what seemed like last year). All that seemed stupid now that I knew about Rose.

"So you didn't like him… or his kids?"

"Let's not talk about this now…" My father sniffed. "Just go get changed. They are waiting."

~*~*~

How could my life get any worse? I am in prison for a crime that I am almost positive I didn't commit, my parents have their doubts about me winning my case, it feels like I'm dying in here, my chest hurts like hell, I have someone watching me all the time, and the other men down the hall are annoyingly loud. I have hit rock bottom and I can't even remembered what I did to do so. Or what I didn't do, for that matter. I was ninety nine percent positive I didn't do this crime I am in here for.

If only I could remember. I could tell the judge my side of the story. Maybe that would be enough to set me free. Give me the truth serum. That would free me for sure. I just had to remember what happened first.

It shouldn't be that hard, right? I mean I remembered Rose, had I not? Maybe if I just lay down, try to relax, and close my eyes things might start coming back to me again.

I rushed over to the steel bed on the wall and laid down. I adjusted and moved, trying to get as comfortable as I possibly could and then I shut my eyes. I wasn't completely sure what I was supposed to be thinking about or not thinking about for that matter.

I sighed and sat up when it never came. I didn't see why I thought it would work. Rose was probably a one time thing and I was going to go around only remembering thirteen years of my life forever. Wasn't that a case? Could they really convict a kid that thinks he is still thirteen. Looking around me I think I answered my own question. Of course they could. 


	3. Chapter 3

_Previously On Love's Suicide:_

_How could my life get any worse? I am in prison for a crime that I am almost positive I didn't commit, my parents have their doubts about me winning my case, it feels like I'm dying in here, my chest hurts like hell, I have someone watching me all the time, and the other men down the hall are loud. I have hit rock bottom and I can't even remembered what I did to do so. Or what I didn't do. I was ninety nine percent positive I didn't do this crime I am in here for.  
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Chapter Three

I hate all of this. I should have ran off the night I was in St. Mungo's. I have now been in this hell hole for a whole day and it gets worse by the second. I just wish I could grab a hold of those memories that keep coming in my head. They might just be the key that could save me. These stone white walls are not helping any though. Just making me more anxious. I think that is what they are meant to do.

As I lay there, closing my eyes, trying as best as I could to forget about everything, something hits me, nearly knocking me out. It isn't someone or a thing, but a memory. And for a moment, I was with her...

**~*~*~FLASHBACK~*~*~**

**"Hey, Scorp, look!" My friend Emmanuel called out to me pointing to a list on the bulletin board for Transfiguration. I realized that it was the list that told who our partners were for the start of term project. "Looks like you are stuck with Miss Smarty Pants Weasley." He laughed and my eyes widened with horror. This had to be a mistake. I rushed to the board.**

**"You have to be kidding!" I huffed as I saw with my own eyes that it wasn't a mistake. "There is no way I can work with filth!"**

**"Filth? Referring to yourself now, Malfoy?" A very angry Rose Weasley asked, arms folded, as she approached us.**

**"Yeah right, Weasley. You should be honored to be working with me." I smirked at her.**

**"Oh yes…" She rolled her eyes sarcastically. "Just know I am not doing all the work. You will do your half or I will just got talk to the professor."**

**Was she kidding? Me do work? She had to be. There was no way she could expect me to do this project. She was the smart one. What was her deal?**

**"You want me to mess up the project?" I questioned, trying a different approach this time.**

**"Don't! You are helping!" Her voice raised eye, her jade eyes burning. "Be at the lake tonight after dinner."**

**"Sorry, I don't date below me." I smirked again and heard my friends laugh around me. Before any of us knew it, though, her wand was at my throat and pushing me back into a wall.**

**"Listen here, **_**Malfoy**_**." She spat my name as if it were the most disgusting thing on Earth. I think she had my name and her existence mixed up here. "Be at the lake at six to work on this damned project or I will make sure you get a failing mark on this no matter how much you kiss the professor's ass!"**

**She lowered her wand and spun on her hell, marching off in the other direction. She hadn't even given me time to say anything. Not that I had anything to say. I was too flabbergasted that she had put her wand to my throat. I wonder if I could get her for attempted murder?**

**~*~*~END FLASHBACK~*~*~  
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As the memory slowly drifted away it confused me worse than I already was. She hated me? I hate her? How could that possibly be? I loved her. I knew that for a fact. Then what was with that memory?

I let out a frustrated yell, wishing I could have held it longer. Just to see how all that turned out. You would think I could remember her. I have went to Hogwarts for three years in my memory. Nothing came into my mind though. I remembered Hugo Weasley, but not his sister. I didn't know he had a sister.

This all was driving me insane. Was I dreaming? Could I possibly be dreaming? I took one breath to answer that. The sharp pain that erupted from my chest every time I breathed answered that.

I laid back on my bed, looking up. It was about all I could do now. It was gone… no way of bringing it back. On the bright side at least I knew I was capable of remembering some things. I just hope more came soon and they didn't take forever. Maybe my thoughts of being able to tell the judge the truth would come true after all.

It was very strange. As I thought this happy thought I didn't feel happy. It hurt as a matter of fact. I feel really depressed. It couldn't be dementors, because they took those out before I was born. It had to be something else… but what?

~*~*~

Dear Mum and Dad,

This place isn't as bad as I imagined. I mean I get fed and I have a place to sleep. My chest still hurts, but I think it is getting better. Listen, the real reason I am writing is that I had sort of a flashback today. It was mid-term… we hated each other…

As I wrote the last couple of words I froze. What if someone read this? They would think I hated her. There was no way I could send this to my parents. They needed to know about my memory, though, right? On second thought, maybe not. I really didn't need to go and get their hopes up on my full memory returning.

I crumbled up the paper and threw it under the steel bed, laying back down. It was all there was to do in this place. Just lay, think, and sleep. Three things I was normally good at, but I didn't want to do that too much in here.

As I thought about how much I didn't want to sleep, I slowly drifted off into a restless slumber.

**~*~*~DREAM/FLASHBACK~*~*~**

**"Scorpius!" Rose laughed, running away from me. I chased after her, flinging white crystals of snow everywhere.**

**When I finally caught up with her, I gripped her around the waist and we both went toppling over into the snow. She landed on top of me, thankfully. I would have probably broken her. She laughed, looking down at me.**

**"Now look what you have gone and done." She said to me, resting her chin on my chest. Her eyes got serious and I knew the next comment wasn't going to be one either of us wanted to hear. "I am going to miss you when we go home for Christmas. I just hate that our parents hate each other."**

**"I know, baby." I rubbed her back slowly, knowing how much this upset her. "It is only three weeks, though. Christmas, New Year, boda bing we are right back together."**

**"I guess you are right, but… I don't know… it is silly." She shook her head. Even though her cheeks were already rosy red from the snow I saw her signature blush shine through.**

**"No, what is it? Tell me." I urged her.**

**"You know it is tradition to kiss when the clock strikes twelve… as we enter the new year… well, I kind of picture… you know… us doing that." Her cheeks were more red than I had ever seen them. I laughed a bit, leaning up and kissing the top of her nose.**

**"I will see what I can do…" I assured her, resting my head back in the snow.**

**"Scorp, don't be crazy. We can never work it out with out dads…" She shook her head and I decided that she needed some cheering up. I slipped off my gloves behind her back and rubbed them together, getting them nice and warm. I then slide them underneath her layered coat outfit. She jumped at my warm soft touch, but as she came back down it seemed as if she was closer than ever. She didn't say anything, just looked deep into my eyes as my hands ventured up a bit more. She leaned down and began to kiss me. This kiss was more passionate than I had ever experienced before.**

**"I love you, Rose." I whispered as she pulled back. Her smile ranged from ear to ear.**

**"Who doesn't?" She replied laughing and I slide my hands out of her jacket.**

**"Oh, I see how it is." I laughed as I took her by the waist. I rolled over to where I was on top of her.**

**"Scorpius… don't do anything crazy." She warned, still laughing. I loved that sound. I could probably listen to it all day and never grow tired of it.**

**"Oh," I started and signed it with my signature smirk. "I won't." With my last few words I began to tickle her sides fiercely, sending her into hysterics, trying to push my hands away.**

**When I finally did stop Rose's face almost matched the color of her hair. It was such a cute look, but I was a bit worried she might be getting too cold. I bent down and put my lips next to her ear.**

**"What do you say we go up to our secret room and make some hot cocoa and snuggle by the fire?" I whispered once there, standing up. I bent down and swept her up in my arms, not giving her time to answer. She smiled and wrapped her arms around my neck.**

**"Sounds delightful." She laughed, kicking her feet a bit. It was the happiest I had seen her in awhile. I hated seeing her upset. Sometimes I wanted to kill her father for making her that way, but that would probably be a bad idea. Instead I took advantage of times like this to make her happy.**

**~*~*~**

**"Thank you, for a fun-filled day." Rose yawned as she snuggled into my chest more. We were sitting on the sofa by the fire in the Room of Requirements. We had come in from the cold outside and came straight here. Where we asked for a nice cozy bedroom (its where we spent most of our nights). We changed into the pajamas that were provided and warmed up by the fire.**

**"My pleasure." I replied, kissing the top of her head. I pulled her closer to me, feeling that she wasn't close enough, even though there was no way she could physically get any closer to me.**

**After a few minutes I heard Rose's little soft breathing snore. I laughed to myself thinking about how I had found it extremely annoying when we first started sleeping in this room.**

**I gently picked up my slumbering girlfriend and walked her over to the bed that was already turned down. Rose always falls asleep before we actually go to bed. So I put her in the bed and covered up. I then sat on the side of the bed and looked at her. It was hard to believe that a girl this beautiful was still a virgin. Something I hadn't been very happy that she wanted to stay, but I was dealing with it. She had too much going on in her life right now. She shouldn't have to deal with a sex craved boyfriend, too. I tried to be as good as I could be, but a guys mind wonders.**

**I laughed a bit at this thought and moved a piece of hair out of her delicate face. I then walked over to the fireplace and put it out. Not needing light, I made my way around the room over to my side of the bed. I climbed in and automatically draped my arm around Rose's waist, pulling her to me. I felt her stir, but it was only to roll over and caress my arm like she always did. I yawned and slowly drifted off to sleep.**

**~*~*~END DREAM/FLASHBACK~*~*~**

  
>As consciousness came back to me, I didn't open my eyes. Everything was perfect… wait… I felt around the bed, but didn't get anything. Where had Rose gone?<p>

I opened my eyes to see the ivory stone wall in front of me. I then realized where I was and where Rose was. It was just another memory. A really really good memory. I couldn't get why her life was so rough though. That I couldn't seem to remember.

I shook my head and sat up. Things had been so good between us. We were so much in love. How could I have possibly killed her? I couldn't have! She was my everything and I now know that.

Something inside me pinged, telling me that I didn't know everything. And if I really thought about it, it was only one memory. Hell, my first one I hated her and this one we were snuggling together by a fire. I sighed. It didn't look like I was ever going to figure these things out.

At least I was getting closer though, I argued with myself. It was better than not remembering anything and going in front of the judge with nothing. 


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Okay, I am really sorry I haven't done an update in awhile. And if you are reading any of my other stories(espiecally Daddy Project) Again, very very very sorry. I have been super busy. I will update the rest soon though!_

_Previously on Love's Suicide:_

_I shook my head and sat up. Things had been so good between us. We were so much in love. How could I have possibly killed her? I couldn't have! She was my everything and I now know that._

_Something inside me pinged, telling me that I didn't know everything. And if I really thought about it, it was only one memory. Hell, my first one I hated her and this one we were snuggling together by a fire. I sighed. It didn't look like I was ever going to figure these things out._

Chapter Four

Today made it four days since I have been in prison and it has been a whole day since I had a memory. My mother and father somehow talked the minister into letting them come and see me today. I was very grateful for this. I had a lot I wanted to talk to them about.

When the guard took me out into a small room, I was a little scared. I hadn't been moved out of that cell in four straight days. It had come my safe haven in this place. I knew, though, my parents wouldn't be able to come into my cell. I just wish I wouldn't have had to leave.

"Scoprius!" My mother started to run up to me and hug me, but the guard stepped in between us. "I can't hug him?"

"No ma'am." The guard replied then pointed to a table in the middle of the room. "Sit." Without any hesitation all three of us walked over to the table and sat down. My parents on one side and me on the other.

"Honey, how are you? Are you all right? Are they feeding you okay?" My mother fired off questions. Both her and my father looked as if they hadn't slept since the day at St. Mungos. I felt kind of bad now, knowing that I had.

"Yes, Mum, but listen. We don't have much time and I have to tell you something." I took in a deep breath. "I have been able to remember two things while I was here. The first I was at school and we were getting out transfiguration partners. Rose was mine… we hated each other."

"We know… that is how it all started." She sighed, shaking her head. "We are supposed to let you remember on your own. The nurse told us if we tried to fill you in on things it would only make it worse. You would focus on what we told you and just get even more frustrated."

"This is frustrating me way more than that ever could. Because I had another memory. It was around Christmas I think and we were together. She was talking about how she would miss me and it was too bad our parents hated each other…" I informed them, looking at my father, thinking he would probably have something to say about this.

"Scorp…" He began. "I am with your mother on the whole memory thing. Plus, there is a whole lot of stuff that we would have to explain for you to understand everything. We don't have that much time."

"I know it is frustrating, Sweetie, but hang in there. I am sure your memory will come back soon." My mother went to take my hand, but the guard stepped up and she quickly jerked it away. I sighed, wanting to know everything now. It sucked being confused all the time.

"Did you move my court date up?" I questioned them and my mother sighed.

"No… we couldn't." She answered, looking down.

"I think that is for the best." I told her and both my parents looked at me in shock. "Think about it… I am getting my memory back slowly. We three know I didn't kill Rose, so once I get my full memory back I can drink a truth serum and prove it. If you move the date up and I don't have my memory back, it won't work. So I think that all of this is for the best."

They didn't say anything. I knew they knew I was right, but they wanted me out of here. I wanted to be out of her. But moving the court date up wouldn't do that. I had to remember what happened first.

"Everything is going to be all right, Mum." I tried to assure her. She just looked so worried and grave. I didn't like seeing her like this. She tried to force a smile and nodded toward me.

"I know." She whispered.

We sat in silence for a moment and I shifted uncomfortable.

"What is qudditch like these days?" I asked my father to make a light conversation. He looked up.

"It is all right. The Cannon's aren't the best this year. The Irish is going back to the world cup." He informed me and I nodded. It might be a little cheesy, but the Cuddley Cannon's were my favorite team. My father didn't care for them much, though.

I was almost relieved when it came time for them to leave. I know that is terrible to say, but I was. They hadn't helped me remember a thing and I was beginning to get really uneasy around them.

The guard and I made the long trip back to my room, passing cells with other men in it. I tried my best not to look at them, afraid of seeing a real criminal.

Hearing the my cell door lock I let out a long breath, flinching at the pain. I knew I was safe now. Nothing could get me in here. Although there was nothing to do, but sit; I was still safe.

As I laid down on my bed I stared up at the pop corned ceiling. My parents get really weird when I mention Rose around them. It killed me with frustration and confusion not to know what had happened there. My father had said we hadn't had enough time. Was the history really that long? I knew I was missing a huge important chunk of it and I hated it. Why had it had to be like this?

This triggered another memory that hit me really hard.

**~*~*~FLASHBACK~*~*~**

**"Scorpius Luicius Malfoy!" My mother yelled at me and I jerked awake. The first thing I saw was a mess of red hair covering my face. I groaned and sat up. The icy wind from somewhere swept over me, making me realize I was shirtless. I stretched and looked around, stopping when I came across Rose still sleeping. The shrieking sound coming from my mother hadn't woken her. "You get out of that bed right now! Rose! Rose Weasley you wake up this instant!"**

**"Mum, shut up! Don't wake her!" I hissed, trying to get her to stop yelling before she actually did wake up Rose. It was too late though. Rose was now sitting up, holding the sheet up around her chest. She looked terrified, staring at my mother. Why was she naked? I couldn't seem to recall that.**

**"Scorpius!" My mother threw a pair of my boxers at me. "Put those on right now and come out into the hall with me!"**

**Everything seemed really blurry. I wasn't for sure what was going on. I did as I was told though. My mother was too mad not to.**

**"Mum…" I began once I was in the hall, but she didn't let me get anything out.**

**"Scorpius! How dare you! After your father and I forbid you to see that girl! You bring her into our house and sleep with her under our roof? Do you have no respect?" She was yelling at me.**

**"Mum, I love her!" I tried to convince her, but somehow I knew it was a lost battle.**

**"Love her? You don't even know what love is yet, Scorpius! You are just trying to rebel… I read all about this in a parenting magazine. Listen to me, Scorpius! She is to leave and you are to have nothing to do with her ever again! Her parents think the same way your father and I do, so they will be making sure that she keeps to this too. As for Hogwarts, you can forget about it. We have sent in an application for Durmstrang."**

**"Mum, you can't do that!" I roared. "I am in my seventh year! I only have a half of a term left!"**

**"And you will finish it at Durmstrang… now get her out of your room!" My mother yelled and then turned, walking down the hall. As I watched her go I wanted to throw something at her. How dare she say that.**

**Once she was out of sight I sighed and turned to go back into my room. I paused at the door way as I saw Rose sliding on her shirt. Her back was to me.**

**"Hey…" I started and heard her sniffle. She was crying… I rushed over to her, taking her in my arms. "Shh…" I cooed in her ear as she turned in my arms, burying her face in my shirt. "Everything is going to be all right."**

**"No it won't! My father is going to be really mad, Scorpius. We are never going to see each other again." She sobbed and I rubbed her back.**

**"That isn't true. I will make sure that isn't true. Do you hear me? They are going to keep us apart." I informed her, trying to convince myself as well. I rocked back and forth, trying to calm her down.**

**"I love you, Scorpius!" She cried.**

**"I love you too, and that is why they aren't going to keep us apart. Once we get out of Hogwarts, there is no stopping us from being together. It is just one term." I cooed in her ear.**

**~*~*~END FLASHBACK~*~*~**

As the memory faded there was anger bubbling in my stomach. So my parents had forbid me to see her? How could they? After them sitting in front of me today and hearing me talk about her… they had forbid me to see her. What if this is how it all started? What if they are the ones who did it? It was possible right? What if my father was trying to kill Rose and I stepped in and he stabbed me by accident, so my mother finished off Rose… it was an explanation to some of my memories.

But if the explanation was that easy why had my father said it would take too long to explain? Maybe that wasn't all of it… maybe there was more to it. There had to be, right? I sighed as the confusion got worse. Why couldn't everything come back to me at once? Why did it have to come in such a scrambled mess?

This now triggered another memory.

**~*~*~FLASHBACK~*~*~**

**"We have to hurry this up, Weasley." I huffed as I sat down beside her. It was a very bright day out by the lake.**

**"No we don't, Malfoy." She replied, not even looking up from the book she was reading.**

**"Oh yes we do. You see, I have qudditch practice in an hour and stupid Potter will fry me if I am late…" I scratched the back of my neck and she laughed a bit. "You think that is funny…"**

**"Mhm." She nodded, now looking at me.**

**"Of course you would… you are like his little girlfriend, aren't you?" I smirked, knowing how defensive she got on this subject.**

**"He is my cousin, Malfoy!" She yelled at me, throwing a book into my lap.**

**"Ew, that is kind of sick… I mean the thought of screwing your own cousin. Guess he is the only guy you can get, huh?" The smirk stayed planted on my face as her face reached a new shade of crimson.**

**"Shut up, Malfoy! Get to work." She pointed to the book that hadn't moved from my lap.**

**"You aren't very good at this arguing thing, you know?" I laughed as I opened the book, but didn't look at it.**

**"I don't feel like arguing… just get to work." She repeated, sighing.**

**"Nah…" I shook my head, giving the book a once over.**

**"Malfoy…" She sounded very tired. "Please, just do your work. I don't feel like arguing or fighting with you. If you don't want to do the work then leave. I will just tell the professor to give you an failing grade."**

**"Hey now, we will have none of telling the professor that!" I assured her. I couldn't fail. If I failed my mother would fry my arse.**

**"Then get to work." With that she turned back to her own book. I didn't say anything else, not knowing if she was bluffing or not. I sighed and looked down at the book. I had no idea where to even begin!**

**~*~*~END FLASHBACK~*~*~**

  
>These memories were really getting on my nerves. They weren't coming in order apparently, because that memory was the sequel to the first on I had. I found myself intrigued by the thought that we once hated each other. I wanted to know what had happened to get us together. How it happened…<p>

As much as I want interested, it aggravated me. It didn't help me understand anything. Like all my other memories, all it did was put me in deeper confusion!

I sighed, shaking my head. Maybe if I went to sleep I would rest my mind enough to remember more tomorrow.


End file.
